Stop it, now.

    It was another school day
a day she dreaded
     a day full of torture and pain.

She put on her shorts, her adored faded shorts that no longer fit.
    They fell straight to the ground. 10x too big.
She got her belt and put another notch in  it, maybe today it would fit.

She fit it around her waist and tightens it until her baggy shorts don't fall.

She looks in the mirror and she is disgusted by what she comes face to face with. This gruesome creature staring back at her. 

-- How did I let it get this far...how did I let myself get so fat...so ugly....so wrong. 

  Oh yeah... middle school.
  -----------------------------------------Flashback-------------------------------------------------------

          The teenage boy walks up to the girl; he is a handsome shaggy, sandy-haired boy, only about 13. He's got some swag in his step,  a smirk tilted on on his face, the smooth look in his crystal blue eyes says he knows he's going to get the girl; he always does.
          He taps the small red pixie haired girl on the shoulder. 
   The pixie haired girl is  12 and has had to deal with hypothyroidism  and displaced hips. This girl is a warrior and not your typical beauty. She's like an egg, a strong outer shell protecting her inner weakness, if the delicate egg is dropped, it shatters and the inner contents is destroyed. This sweet girl only wants to be loved.
         When she turned, she came face to face with the boy of her dreams, the boy she always wanted but could never have. As far as she knew this boy was the love of her life. -- she let out a slight gasp and a giddy smile graced her face

 "H-hi..."
 " Um hey, 'sup?"

His friends where behind him cackling like hyenas.
   Their friend was going to "get some."

She was a nervous wreck. He was about to make a move... he wasn't nervous, he knew every girl in the school wanted to be with him;

"Do you... Idunno...wanna go out with me sometime?" 

her fragile heart skipped into her throat-- he really just asked her the question she'd been burning to hear.. answer, answer! and just like vomit the words spewed out, "Yes! I would love to!" 

It was seriously the most amazing moment in her life. A billion Mexican jumping beans were dancing around in her stomach, his palms were sweating producing more liquid than Niagara Falls.  They swapped numbers, they had that golden ticket and they even parted with an awkward hug; and even though he went back over to his friends and got knuckle touches and high fives from all of them there was a genuine meaning behind it all.
================  ================  ===============   ================  =====
      The night of the date the young pixie haired girl got ready, her older sister did her makeup and helped her get dressed, she chose her prettiest green dress to make her eyes pop and a brown leather jacket to keep her small frame warm. Her little flats completed the outfit and she looked into the mirror with a glow about her. She had never felt so beautiful, like a blossoming rose, so elegant and pure. She thanked her sister and soon the door bell rang.
    The shaggy haired boy had gotten fresh himself, with some skinny jeans and a new button down. He puts on his Vans and sprays on some Axe. He looked in the mirror with a cocky grin, yeah... he looked good. His mom took him over to the young girl's home and he walked up the path to her front door. He rang the door bell and came face to face with the pixie haired girl.
She looked awesome.
The night was a memorable one, sure it was more awkward than anything and they hardly talked, but there was something special. Between the lights of the carnival and the swaying melody of the music a sweet goodnight kiss was inevitable.
        They dated the remainder of seventh grade, still that shy couple though. They held hands, talked to one another, a small kiss here and there. They were a cute little couple, taking things easy and being the best of friends.
Little did anyone know the hell that would become.
 During eighth grade she stopped dance and he started football and lacrosse. She was more of an introvert and he was an extrovert, even more so now than he was in the beginning. After his parents divorced he searched for validation in all the wrong places. He couldn't see the good in the beautiful girl in front of him, and she couldn't see the good in herself either. After she stopped dancing and she started developing, a curvier figure came about. He would throw out words like, "Fat" and "lazy" they cut through her self confidence like a knife.

She couldn't eat in front of him, he became short with her, they never kissed or touched or had any connection anymore. Did they ever? It's the second half of ninth grade and things are falling down and fast. She walked to his house and into his room like she has many times before, this time she got the shock of her life;
    
  "You son of a b****! How dare you!!"

"It's not as if you and your prude self would ever put out."

"So you go and cheat on me with the likes of her!"

She was livid. How could the guy she put so much work and effort into staying together with end up breaking her heart? Not only breaking her heart but cheating on her with the floozy blonde harlot in his bed.
She ran, ran out of his house, out of the neighborhood, and into her hell.

The volcano ruptured, the cat was out of the bag, and they were done.
   Her heart was broken, he had been her first love.
      She headed home
Her heart felt like it was ripped open and bleeding within her, she couldn't bare this pain, she hated herself, her life, and everything about it.
   
she   grabbed    the    razor

m a d e 
     t h e
f  i r s t      C  u  T


That was only the start, that was just the tip of the iceberg. The poor little girl with the bright eyes and pixie haircut began to fade.

First with cutting
=================   ==================   =============  ==================   = It only got worse. Much much worse.

During her junior year she changed, not only personality but looks, not only looks but personality.  The little girl with the bright eyes and pixie red haircut turned in to the smokey eyed girl withe the pixie brown haircut who loved to party.

A party is what caused the end of her world.

The night started out like any other. She did her hair to her liking, her makeup too. She looked in the mirror and grimaced at the scars and pile of lard looking back at her, she hadn't eaten in weeks yet in her mind she saw the most gruesome looking creature staring back. She walked to the bathroom and shoved the fork down her throat causing herself to puke anything her already too small stomach had inside. Once she was as good as empty she put on her (XS) dress and it flowed from her body.

She went to the party with her friend, the two girls danced and listened to the music, bumming cigg from some cute looking guys. The girls talked with these boys, shared a laugh, and the pixie haired girl didn't think much of it when one of the three guys offered her a drink. It was against her better judgment and soon it would be the next tragedy in her life.

R a p e

three bastards who drugged her drink, broke her virtue, and pissed on her hopes and dreams like common animals.

She only remembers waking up in a park, behind the dumpster, naked and alone. The fragile egg had been dropped, broken, and stepped all over.
Thank goodness for someone having a heart. A young woman was the one to see her first, she saw young girl giving up on life right in front of her, she couldn't let that happen. The young woman called 9-1-1 and got the young girl help.


"What a slut"

"Whore"

"She's like a walking STD"

"She's knocked up"

Those echoed forever.